Please consider supporting our continuing efforts by purchasing our award winning documentary film Sprawling From Grace.

Only $19.95!

  Transit Sleuth

I can't help but find a laugh for three on Craigslist.  Two that got me rolling yesterday were "To My Lovely Bus Passengers".  To quote a few lines…

I greatly appreciate your efforts to speed things along for all of us
by hopping out of your seat and striding up the aisle toward the door
while we're still a block or so from your stop. However, I must point
out that this actually costs us more time because when I see you in my
mirror I must slow down and do everything much more slowly. Why do you
think this might be? Well, the streets are full of bicycles,
skateboards, escaped pets, clueless fellow drivers veering in
unpredictable ways, and yes, even bus driver un-forced errors! This, in
turn, means that there may well be a need to tap, or god forbid, really
nail the brakes. What happens then? Well, according to the laws of
Newtonian physics, you fly horizontally throughout the bus interior
until you crush your skull against the farebox, or if the oncoming
traffic is lucky enough to get the slide show, the inside of the
windshield.

Oh, you say, that won't happen to me, I have excellent balance, I'm
a surfer (skateboarder, jogger, yoga buff, tightrope walker etc.); or
better yet, Don't worry, I'm holding on to the handrail… heh heh
heh…

Well, I'll admit, this will help if I accidentally nudge the curb
while pulling into the stop at 2 or 3 MPH, but if a real sudden stop is
required, you will probably just rip your arm off on the way to your
safety glass facial. Now there'll be blood in the aisle AND on the
windshield to clean up.

The other one that grabbed my attention was, something that drives me nuts on transit or anywhere, is pure stupidity.  That stupidity obviously doesn't bother just me, but also the chap who wrote "2 Girls on Bus".

When you got on the bus talking excessively loud I gave you the benefit
of the doubt… I noticed you (the one with platinum blonde hair) had
some anime keychains and laminated drawings on your backpack (I don't
quite care for Deidara [from Naruto] but I did not mind the Light and L
and Riuk [DeathNote]).

When I actually started listening to what you and your friend was
talking about I was aghast and apalled! How could someone in their
right mind, in this day and age, use the word "like" more than 150
times from Westboro to Bayview (I started counting)… I was sickened.

And when the girl, who got on at Tunnys Pasture, came on and proceeded
to sit in the seat you weren't going to sit in and had to move your
backpack out of the way to get to the seat, I thought that you and your
friend did not need to stop your horrifying conversation and glare her.

And to make matters even more unbearable the topic of your conversation
was religion! I believe the term you didn't know was Agnostic, even
though you just tell people you're Atheist. And no English is not the
most spoken language in the world… Your friend, in some stroke of
non-retarded genius, was right about there being more people speaking
Mandarin/Cantonese. To which you replied, "Well, like, that's like,
because all those like, people, like started learning Mandarin, like,
like a couple like, years ago." (Give or take several "likes")

I, dumbfounded, could only shake my head and shudder… and leave the bus very quickly, which the girl you glared at did also.

So, like, when you, like get on, like, a bus and like, your like,
having a conversation like that, like with your, like friend. Please
consider, like everyone else who, like, have to like, put up with your
like, incessant chatter.Like like, you like kinda sound like slightly
like brain damaged!

Go to Source